Four Ways to Build a Team Mentality with Your Spouse

July 28, 2008

The following article can be found on Lifeway’s website:

Here’s a great premarital question: “Can the two of us together do more for the Lord than we could separately?” Great food for thought, huh?

Working together helps build a team mentality. Whether it’s struggling over a major decision, serving others, or simply laughing together, sharing life creates a team mentality that makes the marriage bond stronger. The key word is together.

Here are four great ways to build a team mentality.

Pray Together
An incredibly powerful connection can develop from a shared prayer time. Prayer is an intimate experience for any individual. When you share something that personal with your mate, you’re taking him or her into a private part of your life. Vulnerability is there, so trust also must be there. Intimacy grows in this environment.

Prayer is a prerequisite for any effective service you will do as a couple. Talking to God together will provide the healthy foundation from which you can serve. By consulting God as a team, you receive His direction. “For I know the plans I have for you …” (Jer. 29:11).

Minister Together

Find a missions project you can work on as a couple. What ministry interests do you share? Opportunities range from taking a meal next door to a grieving neighbor to teaching VBS in Brazil while on a church missions trip. You both may want to serve in your church preschool department or teach a couples’ Sunday school class. Pray and brainstorm together. The search for a team ministry can be exciting. Be patient but pursue the discovery of that ministry passion. “Keep searching, and you will find” (Matt. 7:7). Can ministry be done without a mate? Absolutely. God may have given you a passion your mate doesn’t completely share. There are ways to serve both individually and as a couple.

There is amazing power, however, in doing things together. Working with your mate on a ministry project allows you to see him or her in a unique setting. You’ll learn more about each other, and that’s always helpful in any relationship.

Parent Together

Raising your children is a joint venture (and hopefully, a joint “adventure!”). The children need to see the two of you as a parenting team. This not only bonds you as parents, it also will serve as a confidence-building experience for your kids.

Regarding discipline, differences between spouses are quite common. Discuss these, pray about them, seek counseling if necessary, then present a united front to your kids. Fair but decisive joint parenting builds the marriage team and creates security for your children.

Give Together

Sharing with others as God has blessed you demonstrates a mature, obedient lifestyle. Giving your tithe to the Lord through the local church is a great place to start. Decide and budget together how much you’ll give to the Lord.

I discovered early in our marriage that Selma had a much more giving spirit than I did. She had this attitude of blessing people by sharing what we had. Our marriage has richly benefited as I’ve become more like Selma in this area. What do you have that others need? Clothes? Time? Encouragement? Have you experienced something as a couple that you know someone else is currently going through? Your voice to them could be amazingly helpful.

Togetherness has biblical blessing. “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts” (Ecc. 4:9). Simple words but a profound message. Look for ways you and your mate can be salt and light in this world, and watch the team effort bless your marriage.


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