The Joys (And Expectations) of Ministry

February 13, 2008

Came across this “job description” here.

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Take a look at it:

Wanted: Youth Pastor

Wednesday, February 13, 2008
To: Claiborne County Herald
From: Calvary Baptist Church, Parker, Georgia
Re: Youth Pastor

The Calvary Baptist Church of Parker Georgia is currently seeking a part-time youth pastor. We are a close congregation of about 400 active members and a youth group of about 25 students.

Duties will include (but are not limited to) organizing and conducting any and all youth functions, activities and Bible lessons, Sunday Schools and youth choirs. The youth group currently meets on Sunday nights after our evening service from 7-10PM and on Wednesday nights from 6-9PM. An extra weekly activity is also expected on the weekends. Planning for these events is absolutely essential, but do not expect any child to tell you they are planning to come until the last minute. Be prepared also to attend any and all pep-rallies at the local school, all dance team and cheerleading functions, and it would be nice if you showed up at football, baseball, soccer and tennis practices a couple of times a week to cheer the boys on. It is also expected that you meet with each of the students privately at least once a week for lunch or something.

All activities much be chaperoned. We prefer the parents to not be chaperones, because otherwise none of the kids will want to come. You’ll need to find creative ways to get non-parents to want to come on the trips and convince the parents that do want to come not to.

Planned activities are expected for any and all school holidays. A spring break trip is a must as well as a summer conference somewhere at the beach. You will be expected to emphasize and impress the idea of modesty upon our female students. Be careful not to tick off the parents when doing this, as some of them might not take well to you criticizing the bikinis they bought. Careful judgment will be needed.

You will also be expected to attend all deacons meetings as well as be on the education committee. You will want to have a good presence in the church, so it will be important that you also get involved personally in several Bible studies for yourself, and be at any and all church functions.

Oh, and also, the youth choir meets on Sunday afternoons before evening worship. Our turnout for this group hasn’t been good in the past as few of the students are interested. But we need someone to spark their interests and make them sing well.

Finally, we’ll need you to fill in for the pastor when he’s out sick or gone for whatever reason. This will mean preaching both Sunday services, and doing some hospital visitation.

The position is roughly a 10-15 hour per week job. We are generously offering a salary of $18,000. You will need to find your own medical insurance. Married applicants will be preferred as the youth minister’s wife will be expected to function as a mentor to all of the girls in the group and personally chaperone all trips.

In case you can’t tell, you just read a satire. Those in full-time or part-time ministry can relate I’m sure…

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